Remember in my last post when I said I was worried I wouldn’t have enough love to go around? Well, these past six weeks were a testament to how big a mama’s heart can get for her babies, because Mike and I keep saying how it feels like she’s always been here. She just belongs.
That said, there was no preparing for what life would be like with two babies, barely a year apart. There are days where I cry, more than once, when nap time never comes and the nursing won’t stop long enough to let me pee. The laundry piles up, deadlines for work loom, and we eat a lot of frozen dinners.
Still, even when its difficult, these two are the easiest and happiest children in the universe, and nothing could prepare my heart for how much Finn would love his sister. He’ll kiss her head, and pet her belly while she nurses, and I remember exactly why were crazy enough to do the two-kid-dance to begin with. Every time I’m out in public, people ask “HOW close in age are they?” and commend me on how “together” I have it. I want to tell them that it took us 2 hours to leave the house. That I showered at 4 a.m. after giving up on the idea of sleep – maybe forever? (Waiting on you, Holly!) That I only own one pair of pants NOT of the sweatpant or legging variety.
Today was really hard. Tomorrow might be hard too, and maybe the next few hundred days and many more after that. But I keep reminding myself that it won’t be hard for long, that one day these two little people I’ve nursed and raised and adored won’t need me to wipe their noses or plead with them to eat their dinner and I’ll beg for just one more lost night of sleep if it means I can hold them in my arms while they drift to sleep.
So, right now, it’s really really truly difficult, but also really amazing.
Off to get more coffee…